01
Landing page
Your page is Soowei's page. Every visitor you send there is building his brand, not yours.
→ Right now
His page structure copied
His case-study thumbnails faces swapped
"Young and ambitious" headline
"Helping you build an e-com brand" bio
→
→ What it should be
Your mechanism yours
Your client results yours
A headline that names one person headline
A bio that says who "you" is bio
→ He has 100K+ followers, so his audience has already seen those thumbnails — I recognised them in seconds. And the page can't convert on borrowed creative, because the content system that made it work for him isn't behind it.
01
"Young and ambitious" — millions of people.
Too broad
02
"Helping you build an e-commerce brand" — who is you?
Undefined
03
A line that names their situation, their pain, and where they want to be.
This is me
→ Soowei calls out coaches and consultants. Still a big group — but they know he's talking to them. Someone should read your headline and think this is written for me. Right now nobody does.